About Me

Hi and welcome to my blog.

I’m Seher Hashmi, 24 years old, born and brought up in New Delhi (India). I did my schooling from Mahatma Gandhi International School, Ahmedabad (2014), after my schooling got over, I came back to Delhi and joined JD Institute of Fashion Technology, a college in Hauz Khas (New Delhi), I studied Fashion Designing there, my college started off pretty well, but soon because of my mental health I had to leave my college. 

4th November 2014, I slit my hand with a paper cutter, I punished my body for being such a mess, and not knowing how to react, I felt like I had no other option, other than harming myself, before this I had tried to cut myself many times, but never this deep. I was seeing a psychiatrist and counsellor in Gujarat but somehow it seemed that they couldn’t diagnose properly. Back in Delhi I wasn’t ready to go anywhere, it took my parents months to convince me, it was only after the Nov 4 incident that I agreed to visit a Psychiatrist in Dwarka (New Delhi), it was so difficult for me to talk to him, slowly I opened up and tried to tell him what and how I felt inside, soon I started taking medicines.

For almost a year and a half, I visited this Psychiatrist and it helped me a lot but I was still not ready to see a therapist. Then later my parents found this place called Children’s First in Safdarjung Enclave, New Delhi. The first time I went there I took around 6 people with me, thinking that they will give me electric shocks and tie me with chains, as I had seen in some movies. But I enjoyed my first visit quite a lot, soon I started visiting the psychiatrist and counsellor with my boyfriend, because I was still scared to go alone. 

After almost 2 years of treatment and medication I decided to go to Mumbai to study Fashion Styling from National Institute of Fashion Technology, one of the leading Fashion Universities in India. Soon I shifted to Mumbai and started studying there, but I hadn’t recovered fully, and living away from my family and dogs got very difficult for me, so I left my college after 3 months and moved back to Delhi. And then next year I applied for the same course in National Institute of Fashion Technology, New Delhi. Got admission and started studying in Delhi itself. After my course ended I got a job under a stylist, as an assistant in Mumbai.

My brother worked in the Bollywood so it was easy for me to get a job. So I shifted to Mumbai again. Worked there for almost 2 months, later had a fight with my boss, because of which I had to move back to Delhi. My confidence level had become zero, I started getting scared to get out of my house, to socialize with people, to even meet my own external family, I kept thinking that people will make fun of me, that they would judge me, they will call me MAD.

Sitting at home, and doing nothing got me very irritated, so I decided to start restart painting and writing poetry, I started painting so that I don’t end up painting my own hands with blood. Painting helped me to stay calm and also busy with something of my interest.

Depending on my mood I painted, sometimes with colours, and sometimes only black and white. I mostly painted abstract designs and trees. I made a huge collection of my paintings, so my mother gave me an idea of putting them as an exhibition, so I exhibited them in a café in Connaught Place. A lot of people came, and I sold almost 75% of my artwork. Got a really good response which motivated me to do more paintings, soon I had another exhibition in a professional art gallery, out of 140 artworks and poetry I sold 90 works ,later I put the leftover paintings and poems in my own society in Dwarka, New Delhi. Sold another few. 

It is very difficult to be alone and not have friends and not know where to start from. I want to work, to interact, to have a job. My mother tells me I will be a fantastic organiser as I am very meticulous , I love interacting with small children, I can work with a fashion stylist till I have the confidence of starting my own but in the beginning I would wish to start from a calmer place and sensitive place.  

So I am writing this blog for my sake and I hope it reaches out to people who can help find me creative engagement. I am also writing this for the sake of many others like me and many others who are less privileged than I am. I want to help people to not feel lonely and left out, I want to tell them that this isn’t the end, it’s just another start, a new turn in life. I want to help them because I can feel what they might be going through, as I have been there, felt it all, hurt myself, tried giving up my life, but I want to make sure I can help as many people as possible, giving them a new life would really make me feel happy and proud. 

Why do people discriminate between cancer patients and depression patients? Both happen themselves, we don’t inject it in ourselves, it happens without our permission, that doesn’t mean we are bad people, or we are totally crazy, this means we require much more care and love, much more than a normal person requires, and this also doesn’t mean, we are going to remain this way forever, if people around us give us more love and care, there are chances that we will be fine very soon, with the help of medicines and people around us. So stop ignoring us, we are just like you, no difference, talk to us, make us happy, don’t judge, don’t act like we don’t exist.